Them Knights Of Pendragon Are Right Bloody Good...

Corr Blimey! That was the most British thing I've ever read!!

I just put down Revolutionary War: Knights Of Pendragon, and ruddy 'ell me ol' china that was right good book that was!

Really? I read that - I didn't get it.

Ah, I'm not surprised in the least my fine American friend. For a start almost all of the characters that appear in this one have only been seen before in Marvel's short-lived, long-forgotten but much missed Marvel UK imprint.

Marvel uk? What the hell's uk? Is that another damn event I'm expected to follow like Marvel NOW?

No, no - not uk. U.K. as in the United Kingdom. Marvel U.K. - get it?

You mean England? They have comics in England?

*SIGH*

Anyway, just because this book is as British as bowler hats and pork scratchings, it doesn't mean that it's awesomeness can't be enjoyed the world over. I mean come on, you don't need to have been brought up on crumpets and cricket to think this is great:

Yup, even the most S.U.V. driving-est of my American readers can agree that there are few things more awesome a comic-book where the bad guys are Zombie King Arthur and his Zombie Knights of the Zombie Round Table.

All the undead Arthur scenes are great. The way he keeps going on about 'Zombie Excalibur' and 'Zombie Camelot' - I was pissing myself throughout. It's universally hilarious and simultaneously yet very, very British!

What? Since when is King Arthur British? Isn't he like the Black Knight's dad or something?

No, no the Black Knight is - - never mind.

If you yanks didn't think the 'King Arthur Hankering For Brains' thing was funny, then there's not much hope for the rest of this blog post. I mean the next thing I was going to talk about was how funny it was how Knights Of Pendragon writer, 2000AD veteran and proud Welshman Rob Williams re-introduced us to each of the characters by helpfully dividing them into the thoroughly helpful and telling categories of 'Welsh' and 'Not Welsh':

No, No, I got that one. Being Welsh is like being a hobbit or something right?

A hobbit? A hobbit - really? Oh my giddy aunt!

Your giddy who?

Never mind, never mind. Let's see if we can pull this shambles together before we it goes completely off the rails. I'm sure everyone out there got the joke in the last scene? Right? You know when the Knights call forth the secret weapon 'The Green Knight'. This guys like the Knight's own personal 'Infinity Man' (if you're a Forever People guy) or 'Mega-Zord' (if you're a Power Ranger guy) - except the Green Knight is empowered by everything that's good, strong, proud, noble and glorious about Britain.

So when he's called forth into modern day London, kinda like Gozer in reverse, he takes the form that best represents all of those positive qualities and emotions in today's British national consciousness.

So of course he shows up as a 30 foot tall Mo Farah:

What? What's wrong? You have a blank expression on your face. Mo Farah! Record breaking, Olympic champion athlete Mo Farah?

I think I know who you're talking about. He's related to that old Charlie's Angels chick right?

No, no he's not.

I think that about wraps it up for today. Revolutionary War: Knights Of Pendragon - a terrific book, reviving a ton of fantastic and greatly missed characters with a ton of action and even more humour. Hustle out to your local comic-book store and snag yourself a copy...

...unless you are American.

Phew, that was hard going. Somebody put the kettle on. I need a sit-down and a cup o' tea. Maybe I'll catch up on how England are doing in the World Cup.

Huh? They did what? By who? So can they still - -

Oh Bugger!

Asgardians Act Like They Don't Know...

The Mighty Thor is sick and tired of all y'all weak ass MCs dissing him on wax:

Midgard For Life Yo.

(Today's bifrostian battle rap was brought to you by Howard Mackie, John Romita Junior and Scott Hanna's sterling Peter Parker: Spider-man v2 #2. Also in this issue a pair of demonic dragons sporting awesome headgear are soundly defeated by the unstoppable power of...Spider-man's pager? Say What??)

52 Week 44 - A Four Colour Kick In The Junk...

So, there I was innocently reading my way through the 52 Omnibus edition, catching up on all of those issues I missed while the comic was coming out.

Then BAM!

An anthropomorphic alligator just straight up eats Amon, Black Adam's obnoxious brother in law and Captain Marvel Junior analogue! I was completely blind-sided! Where in the holy hell did that come from. I thought that weepy, sad-sack alligator was a third-rate Mr Talky Tawny rip-off. In hindsight I should've known due to his distinct lack of cravat-fedora ensemble.

I'm not ashamed to admit I was pretty rattled. I mean I'm not a big fan of gore soaked ultra-violence, but I'm no squeamish priss either. C'mon in this one book I've already been through sleazy cowboy bad guys getting torn in half, over-enthusiastic tween Infinitors getting their heads bopped off and naked Steel! I can take it y'know - just not when it creeps up on me like that.

So I shook it off and started into Week 44....

Holy shit! My eyes! What in the name of Geoff Johns are you trying to do to me?

I'm only four pages in and already we've already a nice tasty close-up of Amon's mutilated corpse, Mr. Scaly Waily (or whatever his name is) complaining about the stringy texture of Black Marvel flesh and Black Adam meting out revenge by way of the dental check-up from hell:

Open Wide

I don't know about you but 52 Week 44 hit me like a kidney punch. What happens to the Black Marvels in this issue is just brutal!

The interesting thing is, up until this point I didn't think I liked, or even remotely cared about, the Black Marvels. Their story has been winding it's way through 52 since the very beginning. From Black Adam as a geo-political Freddy Kruger, to him hooking up with and giving powers to mouthy but smoking hot Khandaqi chica Isis, to them extending their 'family' to include that annoying little prick Amon and his eventually treacherous, but normally droopy reptilian pal.

It's a testament to how good a job Morrison, Giffen, Johns and co weaved their web that instead of being glad to see Amon and his pious, mushy, cheer-leading sister go - this issue and the downfall of Black Adam's new rose-tinted family hits like a shotgun blast.

I mean the fight between Adam, Isis and Intergang's 'Four Horsemen Of The Ill Defined Religion Of Crime' is pretty good as far as super-slugfests go. I mean Adam shoots up the place with a Jesse Ventura mini-gun that he holds like a bazooka -which is awesome...

I Ain't Got Time To Bleed

...but the fight is merely a prelude. It's when Isis falls victim to pestilence that things get real. It's horrible and surprisingly, it's pretty heart-wrenching. Before you know it you're kinda feeling bad for the guy who only a few issue before was tearing dudes in half. It's a pretty impressive feat writing wise - and it really catches you unaware:

Honey, I Don't Feel So Good.

Another thing that stood out about this issue is that this violent and horrific attack on the Black Adam family is a product of the mad scientist convention on Oolong Island. Those scenes with T.O. Morrow, Doctor Magnus, Doctor Sivana, Baron Bug and the boys have been some of the most light-hearted and enjoyable throughout the whole series.

The idea that Sivana's cackling, Egg Fu's bad temper and Baron Bug's constantly malfunctioning nuclear cockroaches could have resulted in these bullet spitting, gross death-germ spewing, scythe swinging and ...um...scaly, bitey ambominations gives that whole storyline a darker, grimier, creepier spin:

Four Horsemen....um Zero Actual Horses

If you haven't already read it in issues as it was coming out I can't recommend the 52 Omnibus edition enough (although when making your purchase I recommend you lift with your legs - it's one big hefty slab of comic books!). It's got the odd clunky moment here and there but all in all it's one hell of a ride!

You won't be disappointed...

...except when you learn Baron Bug's Beserker Cricketron didn't get a spot as one of the Horsemen.

Dude was robbed.



Why YouAreComic Loves: Kraven The Hunter

Three words...

Rooftop Elephant Assault
 

Nuff Said.

  (Today's improbable elephantine action was brought to you by Spectacular Spider-man #251 by JM DeMatteis, Luke Ross and awesome Al Milgrom. Also in this issue, the latest vigilante fashion: shotgun, badass beard and a lion.)

Sometimes The Savage Land Doesn't Suck...

I'm going to be honest right up front, I'm not a fan of the Savage Land. Every time a book sends it's characters to the Savage Land (I'm looking at you X-Men) I have to stifle a groan. I mean c'mon Sauron, Garrok, Zaladane, Magneto: King of the Mutates? Big Fat Yawn! Am I right?

The one exception to this rule is when Spider-man visits the Savage Land. When the web slinger visits it ain't about hypnotic were-pterodactyls or angry shakespearean rocks - oh no. When Spidey hits the land we get J Jonah Jameson versus dinosaurs, we get Gwen Stacy pre-historic underwear model, not to mention Kraven the Hunter and his pet 30 foot alien monkey (and all that awesome happens in one issue: Amazing Spider-Man #201).

With that in mind we're going to gird our loins and talk about one of Spidey's more recent visits to the Savage Land: Sensational Spider-Man #15.

Initially I worried this issue was going to be just another dreary visit to the Marvel 'Land That Time Forgot' homage that won't die. I mean it prominently features everyone's favourite eye roll inducing Tarzan knock-off Ka-Zar for a start. What is it with that guy? His best friend is a sabre-toothed tiger and his wife has the coolest name in the history of comic book jungle gals (Shanna the She-Devil) - and yet he still manges to show up and suck every time.

Sadly, this issue does not deviate from this tradition. The jungle king gets his awesome on by using all his formidable jungle skills and sabre-toothed tiger commanding mojo to give the ruthless, black-hearted villain of the piece....a stern talking to?

I Wanna Talk To Your Supervisor

The black hearted villain in question is an evil Roxxon scientist who is planning to melt some glaciers and flood the Savage Land in order to gain access to the oil beneath it. See what I'm saying? It sounds like a storyline from Dallas (minus the secret pre-historic jungle of course) not a pulse-pounding four colour yarn in the Mighty Marvel Manner!

Fear not, true believers, this is Spidey in the Savage Land. So like a bolt from the heavens a big, honking pile of awesome crashes this snow-capped, tropical yawn-fest in the form of... Stegron the freaking Dinosaur Man:

C'mon other Marvel writers - Stegron and the Savage Land- it's a no brainer. He controls dinosaurs for crying out loud! This guy being the big bad in the Savage Land makes a hell of a lot more sense than Magneto and yet another secret citadel and another band of third rate mutant wannabes.

I love me some Stregon. An evil scientist who turned himself into a big honking manosaur!! That's awesome baby, even if all he ever uses his superior scientific intellect for is hitting dudes with his big spiny tail.

Unfortunately, even with the unstoppable greatness of Stegron standing against them the evil scientists of Roxxon still manage to trigger their Glacier melting whoozit and the Savage Land is flooded.

Luckily Todd Dezago and the late great Mike Wieringo have a mind-bending deus ex machina stashed up their sleeves. The raging flood waters are sucked down a giant sink-hole created completely out of nowhere by the The Incredible Hulk who arrives all of a sudden fighting with a humongous prehistoric chicken!!

Bet You Didn't See That Coming!

I hope the scientific community is paying attention to this one. The solution to Global Warming is right there in the pages of this issue. The sea levels start to rise? Just get a gamma irradiated nuclear scientist with a bad temper and have him punch a giant pre-historic chicken until everything works out right! Bet you guys are kicking yourselves that you didn't think of that.

Anyway despite the presence of Ka-Zar and his Savage Land related nonsense, the distinct lack of flat-tops, alien monkeys and bikini clad co-eds, this issue is still worth a look. Where else can you see a dinosaur man and a really big chicken team-up to save the world?

If you look real hard you might find Spider-man in it somewhere too.

Good Tidings We Bring To You & Your King...

Clearly Santa has been hitting the fireside sherry and the Question didn't get that hobby-horse he asked for:

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

(Today's oddly timed yuletide yuks were brought to you by the critically acclaimed The Question #26 by the legendary Denny O'Neil and the frankly pretty damn good Denys Cowan.& Malcolm Jones III. Also in this issue the Riddler and his new, psychotic, ex-stripper, uzi-toting girlfriend take a bus trip. Festive fun for the whole family!) 

Damn Dirty Mutated Ape...

Possibly the best bit of dialogue Rascally Roy Thomas ever wrote (try saying that ten time fast):

Hope all the mad scientists in mutated ape clothing out there were paying attention.

If you were hoping to score some Kryptonian, Amazonian or old codgerian worship in your villainous futures...you can forget it.

(Today's monkey business was brought to you by the utterly fantastic Infinity Inc #10 by comic book titans Rascally Roy and Jerry Ordway. Also in this self-same issue Earth 2 Supes attempts to defeat the combined powers of Infinity Inc. with a really big stick. Those kind of  ingenious super-tactics are what's missing from the new 52).

Hot Pink Megalomania...

West Coast Avengers Annual #3 is just plain awesome man. You wanna know why? There's two reasons. The first is something my beloved West Coast Avengers series did so well throughout it's much too short existence - it took D list characters and made them great.

Seriously, go back and read that series, Roger Stern & co took every reject Avenger (Hawkeye, Hank Pym), every forgotten gem (Moon Knight) and every D list nobody (Tigra, Mockingbird) that he could scrape from the bottom the Marvel barrel and made you love them. This annual, is just more of the same baby.  Steve Englehart, Al Milgrom & the guys shine these losers up like they're your Grammy's prize silverware.

What's that? What's the other reason you ask? Oh yeah, I said there was two reasons didn't I?

Well the other reason is simple. This guy is in it:

Yup, yup, that's the High Evolutionary baby! That guy is one of the greatest Marvel super-villains of all time.

Hey! Who's that sniggering? You don't think so? Well allow me to drop some H.E. Science on you.

Name another super-villain who has all this going for them: He lives in a mountain that is also a spaceship that's also possessed by the spirit of an evil Elder God. He likes to try to conquer the world with an army of anthropomorphic sheep and goats in armour. Once he saw a Celestial being born and went cuckoo-bananas. His real name is Herbert. He's surrogate dad to Magneto's kids, Victor Frankenstein to Spider-Woman and has been best pals with the Hulk, Thor and Adam Warlock. Plus the dude rocks hot pink armour and a helmet with a handle!!

That's a resume that can't be beat. So you can take your Doctor Doom and suck it.

Anyway, in this issue H.E. spends what little time he's not straight pimping in his hot pink armour getting his ass handed to him by loser-ass super heroes:

Sure she's just Hawkeye's bit of stuff, not to mention a Sharon Carter rip-off toting Daredevil billy club rip-offs, but this scene almost made me like Mockingbird. 

Incidentally while Mockingbird is fighting for her life against His Hot Pinkness, her team-mates Tigra & Moon Knight have decided to suck face rather than mount a rescue. See what I mean people - taking those D-listers and making you love 'em.

As if that's not enough, just when The H.E. is about to pulverise Mockingbird for staving him in the hot pink chops - this guy shows up:

Oh my lord, it's Bill 'Black Goliath' Foster, the man whose only claims to fame are being the least popular shrinky/growy Marvel hero ever and being shot to death by the Mighty Clor. Damn did the barrel get one hell of a scraping for this one.

Yet, check it out. The West Coast Avengers magic combined with H.E,'s ability to get his Big Pink on makes this the most enjoyable Bill Foster appearance in the history of the Marvel Universe. In the end I was kinda rooting for the guy. Suck it Clor!!

Anyway, that's me done telling folks to suck it for today. I'll leave you now to hit up Comixology to complain about their lack of Black Goliath back issues.

Me? I'm off to read about how Master Pandemonium's arms are secretly the Vision and the Scarlet Witch's kids. That shit be crazy!!

Black Artie #5 Is Online...

Good news my loyal YouAreComic folks out there. The fifth chapter of official YouAreComic webcomic is finally online and available for your delectation. Check it out on ComicFury.

Here's a sneaky peek:

Head over to http://blackartie.webcomic.ws/comics/13/ and check out more awesome artwork from the fantastic Megan Huang.

This month sees Artie & Co kicking some giant troll ass

Comments, comments, comments...we are comment-hounds. So be sure to leave us one letting us know what you think..

YouAreComic In Print Again...

It's happened again! YouAreComic has yet another strip in print this month:

Futurequake #24 features a 5 page strip called 'Singles Night'. It sports spectacular artwork from the stupendous Jaye Franklin and lettering by Futurequake mainstay Bolt 01.

Want to see a sneak peek? Here you go:

Hit up your local comic shop for a copy or alternatively go right to the source and snag a copy at http://www.futurequake.co.uk/shop.php