Monday, 14 June 2010

Poor Old Hank 'Douchebag' Pym...

You know why I love Hank Pym? Nope, it's not his crap costume fetish. Nope, it's not that he builds himself robotic imaginary friends that tend to go batshit crazy and try to steal his team-mates brains. Nope, it's not even because he lived the dream once and popped Wasp right in the kisser! Sure all of that makes him awesome and all but that's not why I love him.

I love Hank Pym because he's a total loser - what's more no-one thinks that it's true more than he does himself.

I mean come on, being the shrinky-growy guy in an Avengers roster that boasted Iron Man, Thor and the Hulk is a big flashing neon sign for all to see that says 'This guy...is a loser'.

If further proof were needed, we;ve got Mighty Avengers #30. In this issue hapless Hank comes face to face with the physical manifestation of all that is - the snappy dressing, staight shooting cosmic entity ETERNITY. Now if it were Doctor Strange, Mr. Fantastic, Quasar or even snooty old Adam Warlock meeting Eternity it would result in a deep philosophical debate on the meaning of existence and the origins of life.

When ol' Hank shows up in Eternity's neck of the woods he gets:
A cosmically powered knuckle sandwich


Now why would mean old Eternity punch out poor old Hank I hear you cry. Well it's quite simple really. If you go around thinking that the universe likes to kick you in the junk everytime you're down then you come face to face with the physical manifestation of said universe...guess what happens:
That's right - a galactic junk-kick is what you get! Let that be a lesson to you kids with your 'emo' music. With your dressing in black and you 'woe is me' lyrics that would make Morrisey cry. Learn a lesson from poor old sad-sack Hank. Turn those frowns upside down....and pull up your damn pants!

All that being said I still love Hank Pym. Sure he may have dressed in that stupid red jumpsuit for the entirety of his stint in my beloved West Coast Avengers but this one time he turned into a Skrull and shot Reed Richards with a 'turn into goop' gun:Turn Reed Richards into goop and all is forgiven.

That's the rule.

Nuff Said.
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