Wednesday, 28 January 2009

We're Onto You Batman!

Batman always wins. We avid comic fans know this from experience - that dude is unbeatable. Did you ever stop to wonder how he does it?

Let's face facts here people keen detective skills, flawless fighting skills, peak physical fitness and squillions of dollars aside he's still just a dude in a rubber costume who carries bat-shaped boomerangs in his belt. How is it that he doesn't get his ass handed to him every time he comes up against one of the more 'super' super-villains in his rogue's gallery.

I'm talking about guys like Bane, who can and will snap you like a twiglet. Clayface who can turn his fist into a big freaking mace and pound you into bat-paste. Or even Mr Freeze who can turn whole cities into the icecapades and make an icecube of your boy wonder from 50 yards away:This guy has been touting that ice gun for God knows how long. Surely by now he's got handy enough with it that anytime he comes up against Bats he should just be able to make a bat-popsicle of him without so much as batting an eye.

You would think, but somehow, inevitably Bats ends up kicking his frosty ass back to Arkham.

How does he do it?

It's quite simple really. He cheats. That's right, you heard me! Batman cheats his bat-ass off.

He distracts you with his mean stare. He keeps you off balance with his grim and sullen attitude. He gets you all mad with his repitoire of 'yo momma' jokes. Then the instant you're not looking in comes his secret buddy 'The Magic Hand' and steals your weapon! Then while you're trying to figure out what the hell just happened he pops you in the jaw with his patented bat-sucker-punch! See:
(click to embiggen)

We're onto you Batman. We've seen the callow sucker-punching coward that lurks just beneath your noble heroic facade. You'd never catch Superman dealing with people in such a sneaky under-handed fashion...well except for Silver Age Lois Lane but who could blame him that chick was a pain in the ass.(Todays post was brought to you by Booster Gold v2 issue 14 wherein a mind-controlling starfish takes over the earth...only in comics my friends.)