Wednesday, 8 August 2007

I have noticed that this blog is sorely lacking in one very important area - there's not enough booze. I mean what aspect of life isn't improved by a shedload of booze? Comics are no different - so with that in mind I present:

Web Of Spider-man #38 A.K.A. The Drunk Spider-man issue.

That's right folks this issue has so much hard liquor that you'll be convinced Aunt May is Carmen Electra's hotter twin sister!

The fun begins at a party in Peter Parker's apartment. This was the era when a penny-pinching Spidey lived in Mrs. Muggins apartment building (remember Mrs Muggins? She was a fox! No wait...urm...how many beers have I had?)

Anyway Pete's downing his tenth glass of Mary Jane's yummy fruit punch (Pete's a role model for lots of little kiddiewinks so when it comes to alcohol he just says NO! Beating super-villains into toothless, bloody pulp - that's okay. Having a beer - that's a big no-no). Where was I? Oh yeah, Pete's having a right old time of it:Then the phone rings. It's Harry Osborn telling Pete he's gonna be late to the party cos the Hobgoblin is wrecking up downtown.

Oh phooey! Party's over for Pete. He has to get suited up and go kick some gobliny ass!

On his way out the door he realises that he's feeling a bit strange. The world seems a brighter, happier place full of cute puppies, fluffy bunnies and dancing liquor bottles who encourage you to join their conga line. Being a tee-totaller Pete has no idea what's wrong with him, he just knows he feels funky:So off he swings merrily into battle with the Hobgoblin. This was when the Hobgoblin was in his pumpkin bombing prime too - a more dangerous maniac couldn't be asked for.

It doesn't take long for the Hobgoblin to figure out that his foe is off his trolley (the fact that he's slurring like Oliver Reed and smells like a brewery is a dead giveaway). Spider-man is insulted by the accusation and decides to give Hobby a right royal thrashing for it - - but instead he ends up tied up to an electric pylon with his own webs:Luckily Hobby's goblin glider malfunctions saving Spidey from becoming a alcohol-flavoured, spider-smear on 5th Avenue.

It doesn't take Pete long to develop the multiple drunken personalities of a seasoned boozehound. By the time he makes it back to the party he has switched from fun, sloppy, goblin-punching drunk to surly, angry, party ruining drunk:It was that there leprechaun fella there Pete, I saw him do it - the wee bastard *hic* Get 'im!

Hang on - here comes the liquor bottle conga line...

..Come on and do the conga! Come on and do the conga!

Drunk Spider-man roooolllzzzz!!!

Uh Oh *hic* I think I'm gonna hurl...
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