Thursday, 19 February 2009

Who's Badass...

If you are, like myself, someone who frequents the plethora of comic blogs floating around on the internet these days then you undoubtedly already know the 'Super-hero-badass-quotient' equation.

For the laymen out there that don't know the equation basically states that a super-hero's badass-quotient (that being just how badass said super-hero actually is) is directly proportional to the size, viciousness and dangerousness of the wild animals that he or she has punched.

Take for example Marvel's favorite gun-toting vigilante: The Punisher. Unfortunately being an urban vigilante means your chances to improve your quotient are few and far between. However, pragmatic Frank is not above putting on his winter woolies going down to the zoo and getting his badass on.

That's pretty badass sure, but it's not a patch on the star-spangled Avenger, Captain America. He made Frank look like a pantywaist by giving a knuckle sandwich to the sea's and the Brody family's deadliest predator.

Over at DC, despite their impressive powers and legendary status, their superheroes just can't seem to compete with the kind of badassedness coming from even Marvel's non-powered heroes. I mean Daredevil fought the Mandrill DC, I don't think Captain Marvel pounding on a wizened, old chimp in hot pants is going to cut it, criminal or otherwise.

Don't even get me started on Superman.

As impressive as bear-fighting and shark-socking might be I'm afraid the most impressive super-hero-badass quotient goes to the Avenging Son himself. That's right forget your Supermen and your Sentinels of Liberty - Namor the Prince of Atlantis is the most badass super-hero walking the earth. No-one can top him simply because...
Dude punched a freaking elephant!!

You can't argue with science folks.

(all my links today come courtesy of the internet's number one authority on hero-vs-wildlife action Chris Sims and his Invincible Super-Blog. Namor's pachyderm-punch is from Marvel's Super-Villan Team-Up issue 8 wherein we learn that the Ringmaster and his Circus of Crime like to vacation in Latveria during the hot months.)
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