Embarrassing Moments In Super-Villainy #8

Solomon Grundy is essentially an immortal killing machine. Sure he's always wearing pants that don't quite fit and he talks like Jar Jar Binks mentally challenged younger brother. But dude has the power to bitch-slap three Justice Leaguers in the chops - - at the same time!


How come he's never made it to A list bad guy status?

Answer: This one time he went to Earth 2 and got beaten by the Justice Society's patented 'Tiswas' offensive:


It's good to know that when Earth 2 is menaced by the unquiet dead, zombie armageddon can be averted by a well-armed Krusty the Clown.

(Today's nod to the Phantom Flan Flinger was brought to you by Justice League of America v1 #47. The conclusion of an epic two-parter that features the Spectre keeping Earth 1 and Earth 2 from colliding by jamming his body between them and having the Justice League punch out the dastardly Anti-Matter man while standing on his ass.)

Embarrassing Moments In Super-Villainy #7

Reactron loves nuclear super-villainy and the Big Bopper.

Who knew?

(Today's musical interlude was brought to you by Paul Kupperburg's awesome Doom Patrol v2 #11 which boasts sweet art from Savage Dragon creator and Image high muck-a-muck Erik Larsen. Also a big dude named Warrior pulls off Robotman's arms and legs)

Embarrassing Moments In Super-Villainy #6

If your only super-powers are your abilities to be very French, grow awesome moustaches and kick real fancy it's probably not a good idea to hit on a chick while her ill-tempered, time-displaced cowboy boyfriend is standing right there:

Zut Alors!

Poor Batroc. So awesome and yet so very lame.

(Today's xenophobic fisticuffs were brought to you by She-Hulk #17 by Dan Slott and Rich Burchett. Also in this issue a lingerie clad Shulkie fights an army of robotic Nick Furys spouting lines plucked at random from the eye-patched one's many, many comic-book appearences over the years. That's what you get for sleeping with Tony Stark ladies!)

Embarrassing Moments In Super-Villainy #5

Look Mr. Diamondhead I know that having a body made of diamonds, having super-strength, being at the forefront of the New Wave Of British Heavy Metal and being responsible for badass song titles like 'Am I Evil', 'Shoot Out The Lights' and 'Sucking My Love' can cause an overwhelming sense of superiority and feelings of complete invunerablity to set in...

...but is taking a quick glance over your shoulder when a helpful young man with a bucket on his head asks you to really too much to ask?

Tsk Tsk Tsk, falling for the old 'look behind you...no really' trick. For shame!

Why Lars and James were so influenced by this guy I'll never know.

What do you mean I'm mixing up my Diamondheads. It's such a stupid name how many other Diamondheads can there be?

(Today's moment of comic-book confusion was brought to you by Marv Wolfman's, Sal Buscema's and Tom Palmer's stellar Nova #3 from way back in the misty era of 1976. Also in this issue Diamonhead recounts his formative years running around town dressed as the Red Skull beating up the neighbourhood kids)

Embarrassing Moments In Super-Villainy #4

So you're Death Adder.

You get yourself surgically enhanced by Roxxon. You've got some poison tipped claws, some gills, a bitchin' bionic tail among a whole host of other awesome snaky powers.

You score yourself a spot in the creme-de-la-creme of super-villain terrorist groups: The Serpent Society.

You're living the high life. You've got more money, chicks and excitement that you could ever possibly imagine. As part of the society you've got the solemn respect of the rest of the super-villain community. You've got an awesome social life hanging out with party animals like Puff Adder, Rock Python and chick magnet Bushmaster.

If you ever do think about death you imagine it's going to happen in a blaze of glory in the heat of battle. Maybe you'll go down in an epic throwdown with Captain America or maybe fighting along side your fellow Society members against a revenge crazed M.O.D.O.K.

Either way, you'll die as you lived. A powerful, dangerous but dignified man deserving of our respect and reverence...

WRONG!

(Today's moment of toilet humour was brought to you by the awesome Punisher #10 wherein Frank battles Death Adder and Basilisk in a public bathroom....then doesn't wash his hands! Eewwwwww!)

Embarrassing Moments In Super-Villainy #3

Need I say more?

(This big ball of cringe was served up by the smorgasborg of comedy that was Amazing Spider-man #611 wherein Deadpool discusses with the scantily clad angels and devils of his better/baser nature the ethical ramifications of taking Spider-man out with a Napalm Enema.)

Embarrassing Moments In Super-Villainy #2

So your first outing as the new Vulture was going swimmingly.

Your wings were working perfectly, your snazzy red leather ensemble looked awesome (and didn't at all make you look like a creepy bondage festishest). When you revealed your ugly mug you got all the screams and horrified expressions you were hoping for. Hell, you even got to hock a great big acidic loogie right in some gormless super-hero's face.

Then it went and happened! Defeated - god help us all - by

Spider Cuddles!!

Geez, I know he's got the proportionate love and affection of a spider and all but still. Not even Stilt-Man ever got beaten by a hug!

(Today's moment of spider-TLC was brought to you by the good people at Amazing Spider-man #594 wherein Peter Parker wanders around some lady's apartment naked before heading over to the local jail to rough up an octogenarian - and you thought Reed Richards was a jerk!)

Embarrassing Moments In Super-Villainy #1

Foliage 1, Scorpion 0

Is it any wonder Mac jumped at the chance to be Venom instead?

(This cringeworthy delight was served up courtesy of Amazing Spider-man #343 wherein Spidey lets the Black Cat get whaled on by six, count 'em, six super-villains while he gets his science nerd on in the other room. What a guy! It's no wonder his wife devil-divorced his sorry ass!)