Wednesday, 29 April 2009

Dis Of The Spider-woman

So you threw on your snazziest T-Shirt, polished your bling-blinginest medallion, got your hair all coiffed by Toni & Guy and hit the disco looking for chicks.

Before you know it your luck is in. You spot a lovely lady hanging out all by her self. She's got bitchin' hair, a weird scent that both attracts and alarms you, not to mention the smoking body of a super-heroine! So you swoop in and give her some of your best patter. Before you know it you're pulling off at some lonely lover's lane in the middle of the drive home to try and get some.You're thinking this night couldn't get any better.

But beware! You may have just pulled the Spider-woman

Somewhere, out there, in some happening disco lurks the Spider-woman. Her hapless victims are powerless against the alluring, magnetic draw of her spider-pheromones and her awesomely, stylish hairdo. She taunts and teases, leading you on until she gets you alone in some romantic location, where she waits patiently until you're about to use the most powerful dating weapon in your arsenal - the patented 'yawn-into-hug-into-kiss' maneuver. Then...

She rejects you so hard it MELTS YOUR FACE!

Don't say I didn't warn you.

(Today's dating advice was brought to you by Spider-woman v1 #17 wherein even the socially inept Jessica Drew looks disgusted when her date yells "C'mon -- Disco". When the chick raised by an anthropomorphic cow thinks you're a loser it's time to take a long, hard look in the mirror.)
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