Thursday, 30 April 2009

Superheroing 101: Goons & Guns

Many rookie superheroes come into the business with the same false impression. They believe that they'll spend every day of their do-gooding career fighting spectacularly powered super-villains and putting paid to their elaborate, evil schemes.

Unfortunately the truth is much more mundane. A superhero's career, big-league or otherwise, is made up mostly of small potatoes stuff. Averting every day catastrophes like highway collisions, building fires the odd natural disaster every now and then.

Most superheroes do get the chance to put their fighting skills to the test every now and then but more often than not it's against run of the mill goons rather than flamboyant super-villains.

That is where today's lesson will come in handy. You see 99% of the time you cross swords with goons, those goons will have guns!

Now any superhero worth his salt has nothing to worry about from guns. From mid-range invulnerability to enhanced speed and agility - even the most basic set of super powers provides the ability to dodge bullets. However the average bystander lolly gagging around your battlezone is not quite so blessed.

Therefore disarming goons and learning how to keep gun play to a minimum during your goon-on-good-guy battles is a skill every superhero must master.

There are two important but simple psychological techniques that often work in discouraging goons from using their guns.

1.) Negative Conditioning: this technique involves mentally connecting the gun in the goon's mind to a negative experience. The most simple and straight-forward implementation of this technique is to disarm the gun then pummel him repeatedly with his own gun.
Fig 1: Make the mental connection. Gun=Violent Jawbone Detachment.

2.) Shaming: this technique involves verbally abusing the goon, specifically implying his lesser qualities are in direct proportion to his dependence on his firearm. Often the most effective use of this technique involves suggestions that gun usage is evidence of some kind of innate, negative, effeminate quality.

Of course combining these techniques is the most efficient and effective way to limit goon gun violence and thereby safeguard the lives of rubber-necking civilians.
Fig 2: This fellow won't be playing with guns again in a hurry

Here endeth the lesson.

Good luck out there heroes.

(Today's lesson was sponsored by Marvel's Destroyer #1 wherein our frisky octogenarian protagonist gets completely naked by page 8 - if you like that kind of thing)
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